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"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." Dr. Hunter S. Thompson  "It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it." David Stanowski To find older articles; use Search or Site Map |
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Wednesday
19 July 2006
Tim Paul Returns! I have been asked many times, “whatever happened to your old buddy Tim Paul”? Tim hasn’t been seen, or heard from, on The Island, in over a year, and his whereabouts have been a mystery! Considering his wild lifestyle, you can imagine the rumors that I’ve heard! Some said that they saw him surfing at Stewart Beach, as Hurricane Rita approached Galveston, so he might have been lost in the Gulf. Others thought they saw him on the Fight Club circuit in New Orleans, and a few reports had him back in the Extreme-Sports competitions in Asia. This photo was even said to be Tim in a skydiving competition in Florida. You can see why the reports of his demise were so prevalent!  I have just received the first boxes of documents, that I ordered using the Freedom of Information Act, and a clear picture of what really happened to TP is now emerging! Even though the documents, from the FBI, and local law enforcement agencies, are heavily redacted, I can now say for sure that Tim is still alive, and I have even received an email purported to be from the old Buffalo Hunter himself! The first documents focused on Tim’s long-time obsession with the legend of Robert Johnson. You know, Johnson sold his soul to the devil in order to take his guitar playing to a whole new level. TP wanted to find a similar way to kick his up a notch! It appears as though he was reading one of my Blog articles, that put forth the argument that playing Rock and Roll was like flying a kite in a thunderstorm storm, when he had an idea! Tim was inspired to hook a kite, to the strings of his Stratocaster, using a thin copper wire, and then he flew it in a thunderstorm. One of the lightening bolts hit the kite, and gave him the jolt he was looking for! When he woke up, three days later, every hair on his body had been burned off; and he had amnesia! The loss of memory caused him to go off wandering on a very confused journey, that eventually ended on the West Coast, in March of last year. It seems that Tim hitchhiked for a few weeks, and one day found himself in LA. Not knowing what else to do, he took a job at LAX loading cargo; but that didn’t last long.  The Cult Leader took an instant liking to Tim, and Tim told him that he was on a quest to find a way to take his guitar playing to a whole new level. The daily discussions with the Cult Leader, over Kool Aid and LSD, were restoring Tim’s memory, and inspiring him to find new ways to play the guitar. The Leader used the stories Tim told him about his childhood, and his flying-a-kite-in-a-storm experiment, to devise a training regime for him.  TP was looking for extra power even as a young boy Each day, after ingesting the Kool Aid and LSD, Tim was to lick two fingers, on his right hand, and then stick them into an electrical outlet. This would allow him to “feel the power of the Lord”, which would inspire him to play at a whole other level! After a few weeks, Tim was screaming through Jimi's entire song list, like he was Channeling the Master! Then he moved on to Pink Floyd, and Clapton. “Ah”, the Leader said, “it is time to move it up a notch”. Now you will lick your fingers, and stick them into a 220 Volt outlet each day! This exercise began to singe Tim’s re-grown hair, so they knew that they were close to duplicating the effect of having a kite get hit by lightning! After a few weeks, Tim had reached the new musical level, that he was looking for, so he wanted to leave the cult, and put his band back together! Unfortunately, no one is ever allowed to leave a cult! Tim had to escape, so he started digging a tunnel from his bunkhouse, underneath the perimeter fence. He chose a moonless night, in May, to break out under the fence and run, undetected, to the nearby woods! Two weeks later, he was back in this area, in a dumpy motel, in San Leon, with a cult de-programmer; trying to get his life back together, and playing his guitar day and night. He was obsessed with his new groove!  The De-Programmer is ready for extended sessions with TP Two weeks ago, I received an email from Tim. It stated that he had booked a gig this Friday, 21 July, at Poor Michael’s. He felt that his de-programming would be finished in time to play that night, and it would be his first public performance using his new techniques on the guitar. Apparently, he has wired a 220 Volt line to the strings of his Stratocaster, so he will be the only guitar player in history to perform with “live strings”. Tim says that there is little danger to the other members of the band, or the audience, and usually, the only thing that happens is a little arching between the strings, when he really gets into bending them. “The risk is worth it”, he says, because the electricity gives him an unbelievable jolt of energy, and the effects he can get with “live strings” are unprecedented! I will be there, in the front row, Friday, for TP and the Emergency, and their new brand of HIGH POWERED ROCK AND ROLL; but I will be wearing thick rubber soled shoes, just in case. Centerpoint Energy will have a truck standing by, if Tim happens to overload the circuits downtown, so that they can be repaired for the next set. To satisfy his insurance company, Michael will have an EMS team parked in front of the bar until the gig is over, and UTMB will have some electro-shock specialists on call in the Emergency Room.  The new "Electrified" Tim Paul If you thought that TP was wired before all of this happened to him, come on out and see the new "Electrified" Tim Paul! It should be a night of HIGH ENERGY Rock and Roll! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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